


I love you, and I’m sorry.

by denkibee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Car Accidents, Character Death, Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), kemma dies sorry, poor kuroo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24003934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denkibee/pseuds/denkibee
Summary: Through all the ways, that we can goI ask right now don't let me goWith no goodbyes or moving onJust stay with me, wherever I goDon't let me be alone- Fuyu no hanashi (Given)
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 15
Kudos: 51





	I love you, and I’m sorry.

However Kuroo had thought his night would have gone, he never for one second thought he would be wrapped up, crying into his pillow as he feels despair crawling its way into his brain. He wants to deny everything, pretend it never happened, but he can’t. He knows that this is real life, and he wouldn’t be able to wake up from this nightmare that people like to call reality. 

Even if he opens his eyes, Kenma won’t be next to him.

His phone was blowing up with texts from the team, but he didn’t have the energy to answer them. Kuroo didn’t even try to feel bad as he ignored the texts that were filled with worry and sadness. He could save it all for another day.

He knows it is all his fault. It’s his fault that Kenma is gone, and is never coming back. If he hadn’t yelled, if he hadn’t said those three stupid words, if he hadn’t lied through his anger. His boyfriend would still be here, lying in his arms and cuddling into his chest. 

Kuroo hated funerals. This one especially though. Nothing is worse than knowing that you’ve done something so horribly wrong, something that could have easily been prevented, but everybody is saying ‘It’s not your fault!’

As if they actually believed that. As if they actually think that Kenma’s death wasn’t completely preventable. Kuroo was on autopilot, pretending to be listening to everybody’s ‘reassuring’ words. His brain couldn’t process it, but he still nodded along. 

18 times he had had been told that it wasn’t his fault. That nobody could have prevented Kenma from being hit by that car. But Kuroo knows otherwise. Kuroo knows that the reason Kenma hadn’t seen the car coming was because his vision was blurred from the tears in his eyes. He knows that the only reason he ran into the road was to get away from Kuroo. 

If Kenma’s family knew any of this, they would feel the same anger that he felt towards himself. He wanted to stand up and yell that it was all his fault, explain that he is the reason that their son is dead. But no matter how much he tries, the words just don’t come out of his mouth.

Kuroo quits volleyball after that. He doesn’t deserve to do anything that brings him joy. Bokuto tries to force him to play, he drags him into the gym and throws a ball at him, but Kuroo doesn’t even bother trying to catch it. He just lets the ball hit him and watches it roll away. 

Hinata calls him a few times, but Kuroo doesn’t answer. Kenma and Hinata were really close, so how could he answer? Kuroo had killed Kenma, so how could he talk to him? He didn’t even just ignore the calls, the ringtone was getting on his nerves so he turned his phone off completely.

Yaku shows up at his house the following day, he doesn’t show any pity, and for the first time Kuroo actually pays attention to what someone is saying. “Even if you’re the reason he ran out,” Yaku started, standing in the doorway, “you didn’t want him to die, did you?” Kuroo looks at the ground. Of course he didn’t, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t still his fault. 

Yaku keeps going. “How could it be your fault? You loved Kenma more than anybody else in the world. So why the hell should you hate yourself? You’re the one who’s hurting the most right now, so just let yourself live. Please, Kuroo.” He had a sense of desperation in his voice that Kuroo had never heard. It makes him look up, and upon seeing the expression on Yaku’s face he falls to the ground, practically screaming. Everything is a blur, and Yaku’s arms are wrapped tightly around him, but all he can register is the pain that is manifesting his brain, ripping out every positive emotion and replacing it with guilt and hatred. 

Kuroo doesn’t know how long he’s on the ground, just sobbing while Yaku squeezes him tightly, but his mind if finally quiet. Sure, his throat feels like it’s been stabbed several times, but the voice in his head is silent. He notices that Yaku has also been crying, and he hugs him back. “Thank you.” He manages to whisper, voice broken and scratchy. 

Even after that, Kuroo doesn’t go back to volleyball. He knows that it just won’t be the same without Kenma with him. He guesses that this is why Kenma never quit, too, because Kuroo would never be able to play without him. 

However, Yaku is doing great as the new captain, and although the team misses Kuroo they never try to force him to come back. He still goes to practice sometimes, but just sits against the wall and watches. Everyone jokes that it’s to judge Yaku’s skills as a captain, but it’s because he can’t just leave the sport behind. He had so many memories of playing with Kenma. His fondest being when they were younger and Kuroo had lost a game, so Kenma suggested that they do some ‘levelling up’.

Kuroo was smiling as he thought about it, but tears were rolling down his cheeks. He just wants Kenma back in his arms, alive and safe. He just wants to hear Kenma’s heartbeat and they lay together side by side. 

He still knows it was his fault though, and he would never believe otherwise. Because no matter what anybody tells him, Kuroo is still the reason that Kenma ran out onto the road. He’s the reason that Kenma got hit by a car.

And he is the reason Kenma died believing that Kuroo hated him.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!


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